I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
