pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
