I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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