is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
