she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
