let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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