Your dad touched me again.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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