I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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