yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
