hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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