Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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