i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
