Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
