I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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