Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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