I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
