I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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