there's paper in my vomit.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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