I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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