i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
