Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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