Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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