i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
