she was so not down for the gang bang
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
