Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
