I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have fence marks all over my body
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
