Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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