Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
