dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
