im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize