made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
