just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I had to cum in my sink.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
