So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
