I puked a lego.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
