Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
