Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
