I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
