Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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