he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
