He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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