Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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