this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
