last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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