I am puke
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
