Whod you bang
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
