Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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