I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize