i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
