I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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