I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
