If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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