you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
