Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
