It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
