Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
