He disabled his match.com account in front of me
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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