O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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