Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
