I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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