I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
