It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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