I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
