I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
