When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
