I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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