its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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