My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
3 2 1 whiskey
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
